Vestigial Dream
by The Exile
Summary: A not at all serious or canon epic tragedy set in the period of the fall of Sega, the attempted assassination of Mario and the Rise of the Grand Tournament.
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo except on Fridays. -- joke, don't sue me

----

"Luigi!"

Luigi did not answer at first. He sat on his bed, turning the letter around and around as if it would somehow help. He hadn't even heard Mario call his name.

"Luigi!"

This time the yell was punctuated by a loud knock on the door. He jumped. Carefully but quickly, he folded up the letter and hid it under his plant pot. He never looked under there. Mario didn't trust plants.

It wasn't that Mario would be angry with him or hit him. Not Mario, the people's hero, champion of all that was good and just. Luigi just wasn't sure he could deal with his brother's feelings towards the matter as well as his own. Besides, he wasn't sure whether Mario would even understand why it was important. He didn't think about such trivial things any more.

He sighed and opened the door. His brother and superior was red-faced, out of breath. Something's happened, thought Luigi. He would never run that fast if there wasn't something wrong.

"Luigi, there's been a breakout at the central prison!"

Luigi raised one of his bushy eyebrows.

"And we have to go and deal with it?"

"It's the Central Prison, Luigi! Where all the most dangerous prisoners are kept! And there's a huge hole in the wall!"

"Can't the police sort it out by themselves?" suggested Luigi, yawning.

"Don't be like that!" snapped Mario, "We have a duty to perform! A reputation to maintain!"

"You're the boss." Luigi shrugged, sounding less than enthusiastic.

--

"They must have used a powerful weapon to create a hole this large." said Mario, peering through his craftsman's spyglass at the rubble that littered the floor underneath the gaping hole in the side of the prison building.

Ninten Empire's largest, highest security prison, situated in the desert just outside of Mushroom Kingdom, was a massive, foreboding building, a stone fortress with gates wrought of dark iron. Luigi could hear the barked orders of the guards and the rowdy protests of the prisoners as the prison staff desperately tried to restore order. Only one prisoner had managed to escape but almost the entire prison had tried to make a break for it. There were small riots starting everywhere and a few of the guards had been seriously injured trying to quell them.

Only one prisoner. But he had been in the highest security cell in the entire building, somewhere in the basement, in pitch darkness, behind a heavy door reachable only a stone staircase watched twenty four hours a day. If that cell could be breached, the entire prison's security was jeopardised.

"Maybe its Wario's work?" suggested Luigi, "Wario has some pretty heavy weaponry."

"Not THIS heavy." said Mario, "Look, they blasted through the ground into the lower floors. I think off-world technology did this, Luigi."

Luigi nodded listlessly. So now he's a detective as well as a master plumber, a retail pharmacist, a high jump champion, a race car driver, a Tv celebrity, a minor interplanetary dignitary and a bloody paladin. And here am I.

A failed apprentice.

"Luigi, is there something wrong?" asked Mario, looking up at him with those honest, open eyes. At least I'll always be taller than him. Not that it makes any bloody difference seeing as he can jump twice as high as me.

"Er..." stammered Luigi, "I... I'll tell you about it when we get back."

"That's the spirit! Get on with the job!" said Mario, clapping him on the back.

Luigi laboured for a few hours, picking up rocks and carefully moving them, keeping an eye on the few prisoners that wandered too close, making suggestions to back up Mario's endless wild theories. It depressed Luigi exactly how many enemies Mario thought he had. Then Mario's pager buzzed. He took one look at it and frowned, a confused look in his eyes.

"We're leaving."

"Already? But we've found out nothing!"

"There's nothing we can do." said Mario, "Emperor Ness recalled us. Looks like we've got the rest of the day off, brother."

Luigi shrugged and climbed into the back of their car.  
--


	2. Chapter 2

They had been driving for an hour or so when Luigi saw the dust clouds rising in the distance.

"Incoming!" he yelled.

Mario put his foot on the accelerator and they raced off in another direction. He couldn't tell who they were but the brothers didn't want to meet anyone in the middle of the desert. They didn't have the time or the supplies for an encounter and there were very few friends out here in this barren land. Luigi kept a close eye on the moving black shapes through his binoculars.

After a while, he realised that they had changed course and were following him. In fact, they were gaining on him. He peered more closely. He could make out details now - there were around twenty of them on bikes and in Landrovers. The distinctive yellow and black colour scheme along with the spiked wheels identified them as belonging to only one faction.

"BANDITS!" yelled Luigi, "Wario's bandits!"

The car sped up even more.

"We'll try and outrun them!" said Mario, "We're more than halfway to the edge of the desert! They won't follow us out of the desert if we can make it out. Prepare for battle just in case!"

Luigi brandished his wrench and waited.

--

Ness was too young to be an Emperor.

He had achieved much more than an ordinary boy of his age. He had led a party of children his own age to victory on a quest to save his planet. His psionic powers were unmatched. He could kill a man with a baseball bat. He was predicted to get straight A's in his GCSEs. This did not qualify him as capable of ruling an empire that now spanned enough planets to be registered as galactic.

His father, Ninten the Third, had been the greatest Emperor ever born. Ness hardly ever saw him - his father was a distant voice on the other end of a telephone for the majority of his life - but he had seen pictures of him in the newspaper. Tiny, oriental, hawk-faced, with a receding line of silver hair, his eyes could have cut through titanium. His smile was one of complete certainty that his every decision would result in an utter victory. A prediction that had come true. Allegedly, he had looked a lot like Ness in his younger years.

Ness stared at the antique telephone on his desk. He had bought it so that his father's spirit would live on in a way. Even as a disembodied voice, he had filled Ness with so much hope and happiness. Maybe he was still there somewhere, a ghost in the wires.

"Your Imperial Majesty?" came a voice. One of his endless advisors.

"Enter." said Ness.

"You have an important visitor, Your Majesty."

"How important?"

"I... suggest you be very polite to him, Your Majesty."

"I'll be down immediately."

--

"His Eminence, Kurt Ganondorf, Vice Chancellor and Head of the Ninten Lodge of the Level Guardian Society." introduced the diplomat.

Ness looked up at the man. The young Emperor was a small boy. His family weren't known for their height even as adults. This man towered over the tallest of his bodyguards. He was also muscular, a powerful build. Clad from head to toe in black leather armour reinforced with metal plates, his features were leonine, with a fiery red mane of hair and a pointed nose. His skin was dark blue. There was the look in his eyes of a man used to being obeyed. His bow was formal and did not really convey any sense that he considered Ness at all above him in authority.

"Speak." said Ness, aware that the man would probably speak whether or not he was bidden.

"Your Imperial Majesty." said Mr. Ganondorf, "I'll be brief. A prisoner recently escaped from your jails."

Ness was already painfully aware of this fact. He had not been allowed to forget it for one second. All the Empire's resources, already depleted from a war now thankfully won, were now being used to solve the problem of their leaky jails. The prisoner was still gone. Nobody knew where.

"Do you have information for me?"

"Yes, I know where he is." said Ganondorf bluntly, "Before I tell you, I am asking you politely on behalf of the Society to call off the search. He is no longer your concern."

"I beg your pardon?"

"By the way, Your Majesty." said Ganondorf, appraising him with eyes that glowed red, "Is it true that you mistreated that prisoner?"

"I... certainly not!" said Ness, fighting to maintain self-control.

"Your Majesty, I read the Hyrule Gazette." he said, ignoring both the Emperor's anger and the movements of the Bodyguards who were reaching for weapons, "There are claims that he was found lying in total darkness, half-starved, hallucinating."

What is this guy, a journalist? "He refused to eat. He was already insane when he went into the prison. Do you suggest we should have force-fed the poor man?"

"And what about the claims that you planned to keep him incarcerated indefinitely?"

Ness frowned. This was true. The prisoner was dangerous. Not in the classical sense - he was no mass murderer or terrorist - but he was a walking political time bomb. It was as much for his own safety as for those who he affected that he had been permanently incarcerated. There was no telling what would happen if he fell (or rather, wandered aimlessly) into the hands of another power.

"He claimed to be personally, directly responsible for the fall of Sega."

"And you believe that?" asked Ganondorf, "Of a madman? He's a compulsive _surrenderer_, Ness."

Ness opened his mouth to protest, but the man spun on his heel and turned his back to the Emperor before walking slowly out of the Great Audience Hall.

"You're a great hero, Ness, a gifted boy with unbelievable potential." said Ganondorf, "But I've been a Final Guardian for centuries. I hold a position of power second only to the Chancellor himself in a guild that spans the entire known Universe. If you ever need any help, just ask for me."

Ness just stood and stared at him open-mouthed. One of the guards pointed a gun at the retreating figure but Ness motioned for him to put it away again.

"Just so you know, he's on Zebes." added Ganondorf.

--


	3. Chapter 3

"So." said Mario, collapsing onto their sofa with a large mug of coffee, "What's this about?"

"I..." began Luigi, staring at a point on the wall in front of him, just above the picture of Peach and below the flying duck wall ornaments, "I failed my exam again."

"What exam?"

"My apprenticeship exam... I... I'm sorry, Mario."

Mario threw his arms around his brother, who was now in tears.

"Its okay, Luigi." he said, trying to sound reassuring.

"Its been the tenth consecutive time!" Luigi sniffed, "Next year I'll be too old to take an apprenticeship exam! I don't have long left. Mario... do you know what I was doing on the night of the exam?"

"Revising?"

"SAVING A BLOODY PRINCESS!" yelled Luigi.

"You didn't look that upset when she kissed you." Mario pointed out.

"I'm serious, Mario. I can't be a plumber AND a hero." said Luigi, "Neither of us can. When did you last do any plumbing?"

"And you'd rather be a plumber than a hero?"

"As a matter of fact, yes! I want a normal life! One where I don't get attacked by bandits! One that won't slowly drive me insane!" said Luigi.

"If that's your wish, then you should go and pursue your dream." said Mario, "I will vouch for you. I think you will make an excellent plumber."

"I'll have to leave here, Mario." said Luigi, "I... I need to go somewhere where I can concentrate."

"Where will you go?"

"To the Mansion." said Luigi, "I know its structurally unsound and there are ghosts but... I'll be alone there. I'll be able to train without being disturbed."

"It will be difficult without you, brother."

"You do not need a failed apprentice trailing around after you." said Luigi. Then he stood up and walked out of the room. Mario heard his door slamming upstairs.

He felt an icy draught blow through the room, even though he had only fixed the door yesterday.  
--

Mario always felt nervous in the Imperial Court.

No matter what his brother thought, Mario was a simple man at heart. He liked mushroom pizza and jumping on things. He wasn't at home in the trappings of Imperial politics. Everything was so... formal. Stifled. There were a million and one procedures. He could have filled in the paperwork to replace every pipe in the enormous building before he had completed the necessary protocols for greeting the Emperor.

Fortunately, he was Ninten's champion and it was a dire emergency. Someone had managed to make arrangements to shorten the procedure for him. Now he stood in the Throne Room, facing the boy-Emperor, who was spinning around and around on his comfortable executive swivel chair. It was surprisingly modern. Ninten, a businessman at heart, had gone for the look of an ultra-expensive office suite rather than marble arches, tapestries and thrones. Ness had a mahogany desk and a top-of-the-range laptop. He still wore his striped T-shirt and jeans and carried his baseball bat. He really wanted to, and who exactly was in a position of authority to tell him not to?

"What's the emergency, Your Eminence?" he asked. He hoped he sounded enthusiastic. He didn't feel it. He had seen Luigi off this morning - walked him to the train station. He wanted to go with him and help him.

"A friend of mine is going to be the target of an assassination attempt." explained Ness, "I want you to protect him."

"A... assassination?" Mario raised an eyebrow.

"I do not understand why myself." admitted Ness, "Something to do with a project he was working on. Whatever the case, he is my friend. I am entrusting you with his life."

"I will defend him with my own life, Your Eminence." Mario bowed.

"I knew I could count on you." said the Emperor, "You can come out now."

The Imperial bodyguards shuffled to one side to allow a man to step forwards from among them. He could have been Mario's twin. Short and portly with a round face, he had a black moustache and a few strands of black hair. He also wore overalls. He had the same honest look to him, but extremely nervous. He was scared of something.

"Pleased to meet you." he said in a strong Eaglelandish accent, "The name's Brick Road. Dungeon designer."

"Mario." He shook the man's hand, "DUNGEON designer?"

"Mr. Road will have ample opportunity to show you his masterpieces." said Ness, "Because you will be accompanying him back to Eagleland. There is something you need to show Mario, isn't there?"

Brick Road nodded. "Its not safe to talk about it here."

"You're not going to lock me in a dungeon!" said Mario firmly. Not safe? Where else is safer than the Imperial Throne Room?

"They're not that kind of dungeons." he said, smiling, "You don't have to see them if you don't want to. Although you'll be missing out. No, this is something far more interesting. But I'm afraid they want to kill me for it."

"Who are 'they'?" asked Mario, "No, never mind. Its okay. I can't let a man die, even a... dungeon... designer."

"That's why I hire you." said Ness, "Now, you must leave at once. I have a business class seat on the train reserved for you."

Now THAT was what Mario liked to hear!


	4. Chapter 4

Luigi woke up with a splitting headache.

He remembered being on the train, staring out of the window. Mushroom Kingdom's train was shaped like a caterpillar and had jolly music playing in the background. However, he didn't feel very jolly. He had left Mario on a bad note. It was the last time he would see his brother for a long time and he had been harsh with him - yelled at him, when none of this was Mario's fault. It was he who kept failing his exams. It was he who couldn't concentrate. Right now, I have to forget everything and focus on my goal. Emotions and exams don't mix. He took a book out of his backpack - 'Plumbing For Beginners' - and tried to put his head down to revise.

Then there had been the explosion.

Now he was tied to a chair. It felt like someone had hit him repeatedly with a baseball bat. The heat was sweltering. He soon realised why: he was in a tent in the middle of the desert. Stood before him, arms folded, was a familiar face. Short and fat with a bushy black moustache and eyebrows and a big nose, he would have been almost comical if it wasn't for the absolute malevolent hatred in his eyes. He also stank. Luigi had never met a man with such terrible body odour. He could smell the garlic on his breath from over the other side of the tent. He wore biker's denims, a helmet and goggles. Luigi could feel the presence of others around him. In the corner of his eye he saw other biker types wielding chains and crowbars.

"Ah, you're awake."

"Wario!" hissed Luigi, "What do you want with me?"

"Tsk tsk. We've only just met and you assume I mean you harm." said Wario, "Quite the opposite. I want to help you."

"Help me? How on earth could you possibly help..."

"You're a very sick man, Luigi."

Luigi didn't have an answer for this. He had always been in peak physical condition. A little lazy, maybe, but not unhealthy. It was Wario who looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"I feel fine." he managed.

"Oh, not a physical ailment." repeated Wario, "You have Vestigial Dream Syndrome."

"Vest... what?"

"Vestigial Dream Syndrome." he repeated as if instructing an inattentive pupil, "Its a degenerative narrative disease caused by overstress of the personal timeline. Its why you can't pass your apprenticeship exams."

How on earth did Wario know about THAT? The small man noted Luigi's surprise and betrayed a satisfied smile.

"News travels." he said, "Your condition is incurable except under very exceptional circumstances. I'm afraid its also progressive."

"Progressive?"

"If it continues - and it WILL continue - you'll get the bad ending."

"I'll... die of it?"

"Oh, bad endings can be much worse than dying."

"What the... I don't believe you're making all of this up just to interfere with my exam revision!" snapped Luigi, "What do you know about medicine? That isn't even a real condition! I've never heard of it before and Mario's a doctor!"

"Its a very rare condition." said Wario, "Only a narratopathologist would have heard of it."

"Wario, there's no such thing as a narratopathologist! There aren't... NARRATIVE diseases! How would you even CATCH one?"

"By overstretching your narrative." said Wario, "Which is what Mario does every single day of his life. And forces you to follow him, I don't doubt."

"Then why doesn't he have it?"

"Oh, he does. But he's a carrier. He'll destroy the entire narrative structure of the Tendo Empire without harming a perfectly styled hair on his head." said Wario, "Luigi, the only way you can recover is to get critical narrative corrective therapy. But first you have to rid yourself of Mario."

"You're insane!"

"Leave him. Become my apprentice instead. I promise you that within a week, you'll be a plumber, and a fully functional plumber." said Wario.

"Since when were you a plumber?" asked Luigi, "Why is EVERYONE a damn..."

"Silence!" he barked, grabbing Luigi by the throat, "So you won't cooperate? Well, that will change. I have ways of ensuring your cooperation."

Before Luigi could react, Wario plucked a small green mushroom from his pocket, forced his jaws apart and dropped it in his mouth. Luigi swallowed instinctively. The effect was quick. Within seconds, Luigi's vision was swimming. Brightly coloured spots swirled in front of him. He couldn't help staring, open-mouthed, a feeling of almost religious rapture filling him.

"An extra life for you." explained Wario, "Your narrative was already dead. Now it is reborn. Welcome to your new life, Waluigi."

Luigi... Waluigi?... tried to form a response but his mouth just repeated what he had been told in a whisper.

"We're going to help you." continued the man, "We're going to rebuild you. But first you must learn. You will become a good assassin. You'll have to be. Your target is Mario."


	5. Chapter 5

"Its called a Giygas Machine." said Brick Road, fondly patting the machine, "I don't like the name myself. Its named after the first person to use one, not after its manufacturer. Confuses people, heh... I guess a Brick Road Machine wouldn't sound dramatic enough for something that packs a clout like this 'un..."

Mario listened to the man ramble on about his machine. Personally, he didn't like the thing at all. It looked... well, like something alive. The thick cables wrapped around it, cooling it, looked like squirming tentacles or even intestines. Its central chamber, a sphere of opaque glass, looked like an unblinking eye. Mario could see his face reflected in the glass and felt as though it was eating his soul. He just wanted to leave. Was this man really a friend of Ness? He seemed so innocent, and yet...

"I only made two after I realised how dangerous they bloody were." he continued, wiping it down with a cloth, "One's been destroyed. Ness saw to that. Now someone wants the backup. No idea who, but they've made several attempts on my life. Almost burned my Dungeon Man down. That was my masterpiece, that was."

"Geas rebels?" guessed Mario.

"Dunno much about Geas, but they can't be THAT daft." he said, "Hell, the flippin' SOCIETY won't take this thing off my hands! I've offered to PAY them to! I can't even destroy it. Emperor knows what'd happen if it wasn't destroyed clean! It might reactivate... damaged!"

Maybe its a good turn of fortune that Luigi isn't here, thought Mario, this is way out of his league. He's not a failed apprentice - he's my partner, whatever the paperwork says - but I don't want to inflict this nightmare upon him.

"Is it really that dangerous?" asked Mario, poking a wire. It moved out of his reach. "What does it do?"

"It creates narrative." he said, "I thought it only made little 'uns, really I did... ones for me little dungeons..."

"It caused the incident in Eagleland, didn't it?" said Mario, "How did Giygas get hold of it in the first place?"

"Sold it to 'im." he said bluntly, "Look, I didn't know, I told yer! An' the society were on me back about it..."

"Its okay, Mr. Brick Road." said Mario, sighing, "Just so long as I know exactly what I'm guarding. I just wish I knew what I'm guarding it against..."

"Me too, Mario." said the old dungeon designer, wiping sweat from his brow with the same cloth, "Me too."

--

Waluigi took careful aim with his sniper rifle.

It had been built for him especially by Wario's expert mechanics. As long as he had a steady hand and a keen eye, as long as the crosshairs lined up and Mario's head was in the middle of them, he wouldn't miss. At least that was the promise. Waluigi didn't pause to doubt his Master's words or even to reassure himself. He moved mechanically. No emotion showed in his eyes. No thought entered his head except to do the job. He was literally programmed for the task. Anything less and he wouldn't be good enough to succeed as an assassin.

Finding Mario had been the most difficult part of the operation. He said he was going to Eagleland. He failed to mention where in Eagleland. Nowhere Island was the most obscure, difficult-to-find region of Eagleland he could possibly have chosen. No buses or trains went there. Hell, no sea monsters went there! He had been forced to hire a private helicopter from Fourside, ruining both his bank account and any anonymity he might have had.

Fortunately, his disguise paid off. Everyone thought he was Luigi. They expected the Champion's brother to have access to some serious money. The pair of them were intergalactically renowned.

After disguising the costume again - it was no good for stealthing in - he donned his tighter-fitting blue uniform with the generic peaked cap he used to look like a guard. Then he pretty much just walked into the facility. It wasn't heavily guarded at all. From what he heard from the worried banter of the few guards, nobody wanted to go near the place.

"I'm gonna order pizza..." were Mario's words just before Waluigi pulled the trigger. What stupid last words...

He lowered the rifle and melted back into the shadows, preparing to turn around and walk away. Seconds later, he realised his mistake.

The man who had been talking to Mario. The man Waluigi didn't care about. The words he had been screaming in utter, primordial terror... they weren't 'He's dead!' or 'Get a medic!' or anything like that.

They were 'Oh my God, the machine's been hit! Its ACTIVATING!"


	6. Chapter 6

The entire room was shaking. Waluigi couldn't help but be knocked off the balcony. And what he saw while plummeting into what felt like an infinity of chaos...

Bloody static. White noise tainted red. A roaring, a mechanical groaning, a scream... Some kind of... error in the world itself. A wound. A dream scar.

He desperately clung onto what fragile strands of sanity remained. Basic concepts. Time. One moment after the other. Space. Up and down. Movement. The sensations of different parts of his body responding as his neurons fired. Narrative. He did something, it caused something to happen, then that had an effect on something else. It was ongoing. There wasn't an ending... please don't let there be an ending... not in here...

Identity. I am Waluigi. No. I am Luigi. No. Waluigi. No...

I am Luigi. Mario's brother. But I am not Luigi, the failed apprentice plumber. I am Waluigi. I am an assassin. An assassin who works properly. I am both Luigi and Waluigi. Its okay to be both. Human minds can have two personalities. Sometimes they need to have more than one, to maintain the sanity of both. To keep him sane. To protect the entity.

Something brushed past him. He grabbed it instinctively. It made a noise like a strangled scream - one of complete terror - and tried to escape. He held it down and took a good look at it. A small boy. He flung the child over one shoulder and ran.

I am Waluigi. I am Luigi. I am Waluigi. I am Luigi. I am...

He repeated his mantra as he ran, refusing to stop even though time and space were distorted to the point that he could barely tell if he fit in the room, never mind where he was going or how far. If I stop... if there is an ending in here...

Then strong hands grabbed them both. He heard the beat of powerful wings, then felt the sensation of being lifted up into the air. Sunlight. Fresh air. To breathe again.

Freedom.

--

He didn't stop until he reached Winters.

Depositing them on a relatively stable peninsula, he soared upwards again, perching on the highest peak of the mountain and surveying the hell he had just escaped.

He would have to go back. There were others. Survivors he could rescue. If it was even the kind that killed its victims... a knot of fear tightened in his stomach. Experience hadn't lessened that fear, that revulsion at a molecular level. It always reminded him of home.

No, he reprimanded himself, its not the virus. The scanner detected no trace of any virus, never mind THE virus. Its just a narrative glitch. A very bad one. There were powerful computers that could recover any lost data.

Still, it LOOKED like home. The chaos... the utter... wrongness. Completion was a lot nicer than Game Over to the untrained eye, but Game Over always worked properly. It was easier to engineer nothingness than infinity. When a 'happy ending', or even a continuation as normal, went wrong... and it all too frequently did... the swift oblivion of Game Over was a mercy.

As Pit well knew. Pit Daedalus, son of Wor. The legendary Wor of Gynoug.

--

Frozen as he was, Luigi gave his coat to the boy. He looked like he had risen from the dead. Poor thing, and with such a soft, innocent face, with silky blonde hair and the same plain, practical clothes that the Emperor Ness favoured. Luigi watched him closely, forgoing the sleep he so badly needed - Wario made him train at night - to protect the boy from the danger that he still suspected lay in the shadows.

Eventually, his eyes flickered awake.

"Hello, boy." said Luigi, "Its okay. I won't hurt you. I rescued you. Me and the boy with wings."

"Wings?" he asked, confused.

"You were asleep."

"I had a terrible nightmare."

"So did I."

"What does 'This Character Cannot Be Restored' mean, Mister?" he asked, his face white, "And why won't it go away?"

"I..." Luigi bowed his head, "I wish I knew... I'm only an app... a little brother."

"I had a brother too!" he said, "But the bad thing took him."

"I'm sure mine's okay."

"Oh yes. He's fine. Don't worry about that."

Luigi hugged the boy tightly, shielding him against the newcomer. His leather boots made a loud thumping noise as he walked slowly, purposefully towards them both.

"They start them too young, those heroes." said Ganondorf, tutting.

"You, however." he continued, his face grim, "Are unregistered. As Wario was supposed to register you and he didn't, I'll let you off if you register right now."

"That fool Wario, however..." he continued, "Not only did he hire someone else to do a job I gave specifically to him, he was responsible for the failure of the mission and for our best dungeon designer almost dying. On top of that, he hasn't paid his membership fees in a year. I can't forgive his breach of my trust, Waluigi."

Waluigi's blades shot out from his sleeves and into his hands in an instant and he was on his feet in an instant more... but not before Ganondorf teleported behind him and held his own sword to the man's throat.

"If you kill Wario, you kill me first." he said, his voice flat, simply stating a fact.

"Such misplaced loyalty." he said, "Very well. I will strike you a deal. Register, and you register Wario as well in your name, with a clean record. And if he makes one more mistake... you're responsible."

"He blames me for everything anyway." said Waluigi, shrugging. That defiance, thought Ganondorf, he's not afraid of me. I'm just one more threat to his Master. Like a dog guarding a house... My 'house' could do with a 'dog' like that.

Ganondorf handed him the paperwork. After hovering over him for a while to make sure he really WAS signing - preferably with his own name - he turned on his heel and teleported onto the nearest rock.

"Next time I want something doing around here." he told himself, "I'm just going to ask Bowser."

Waluigi watched him disappear impassively. Then he stashed the forms into his briefcase, motioned for the boy to follow him and wandered down the path.

"Who was that?" asked the boy.

"THAT was Ganondorf." said Luigi, "He's evil. What's your name?"

"Lucas."

"Well, Lucas..." he said, "I'm going back home. I have to make sure Mario's really okay. Where are you going?"

"I..." he bowed his head, "I guess I don't have anywhere to go."

"Then we'll stop at Fourside." decided Luigi, "At the Imperial Court. They'll know what to do with you. They take in young boys and girls all the time."

"Will you be okay?"

"Me? I'll be fine." he smiled, "I've got an extra life."


	7. Chapter 7

Diggory was being held in the basement of the Level Guardian Society's largest Lodge in Ninten. This was mostly for his own safety, but also because he was a walking political time bomb who regularly switched between surrendering because he was bored and slaughtering everyone in a fit of rage because he thought he saw someone hit a healer. The Society were also thinking of using him as bait to lay a trap for the people who had sprung him from the last prison he had wound up in, but they weren't so sure whether this was a good idea or not. After all, they could make bigger explosions than the Society.

The responsibility of guarding Diggory's cell was entrusted to Donkey Kong.

He was unimpressed with the 'honour'.

Mr. Ganondorf had told him it was an important job but he was starting to worry if the Vice Chancellor was lying to him. He was well aware that the others did not respect him, did not see his awesome power. The great Donkey Kong – King of the Apes – was yet to prove himself worthy of an equal position on the Level Guardian Society Council. Bowser – even Wario, who had only recently registered as a Society member and was a known traitor – was shown more respect than the giant gorilla. It's the banana jokes that hurt the most, thought Donkey Kong as he sat on his favourite wooden barrel.

"Mr. Donkey?"

"Donkey KONG!" he roared at the slightly emaciated prisoner. Donkey Kong kept trying to feed him but he refused to eat. He wouldn't even eat bananas. Diggory put a finger to his lips.

"I've m... made an important decision."

"You're not responsible for the fall of Amstrad?"

"Sega." corrected Diggory, "And no, I still am. I've thought of how I'm going to atone for my sins. I'm going to register in the Tournament."

A wide grin spread over the monkey's face, displaying all his sharp teeth.

"You know what? So am I."

-------

"Lucas." Pit sighed, "As you grow up, you'll learn that a main character has certain duties and responsibilities. One of the things people expect from you is to be recognisable. People want be able to take one look at you and say 'oh yes, that's Lucas'. That means no suddenly changing your appearance, Lucas! What on earth have you done to your hair? And where did you get a change of clothes from?"

The boy stared at him vacantly. He didn't move a muscle. His round eyes didn't blink.

"You want to be like Ness, don't you?" asked Pit, lifting himself out of his chair with a quick flap of his wings and placing his newspaper on the arm, "Well, Ness never changes his clothes. I'll go and get the Earthbound video if you don't believe me."

He floated out of the room – he was more comfortable using his wings than walking – and into the TV room, where he kept his collection in a glass cabinet. He heard the small boy trailing after him, dragging his baseball bat behind him with a dull, repetitive thud.

"Lucas, the Earthbound video isn't in its case. Would you happen to know anything abou...?" he began. Then he looked around. The boy was back in his normal clothes, with normal coloured hair.

"Is this some kind of trick?" he demanded. He could see how Lucas could be wearing two T-shirts and a wig, but where had he hidden them? For a small child trying to play a prank, he was unnaturally stony-faced and generally too good at it. Pit scratched his head.

Then he looked around one more time. When he looked back, the boy's clothes and hair were wrong once again.

"I think Pit needs some sleep." he said, "Why don't you go upstairs and pester Wor? I hear he's made some progress at restoring Nowhere Island and he'd love tell you all abou..."

"Nowhere Island is completely restored."

Pit almost laid an egg. He hadn't heard his father fly in through the window. Lucas stared at him with an expression that made most corpses look lively by comparison. We both need sleep, decided the winged boy.

"That's... good?" guessed Pit.

Wor shook his head.

"The whole thing? Overnight? Its impossible, son. Let me tell you what's happened. That... that place that looks like Nowhere Island... its not Nowhere Island."

"What do you mean? What is it, then?"

"I don't know." admitted Wor, "But I think we're in trouble."


End file.
